My ex-GF [29/F] and I [M/29] have been broken up for a few months now (September was the official month we went our separate ways). To put things into perspective, we were both at different places in our lives during this relationship; I, mostly focusing on my career and she being jobless, dealing with a dad with stage IV cancer, depression, and a hint of suicidal ideation. Throughout the last half of our relationship, I started working two jobs, finishing up my Bachelor’s in Nursing, and obtaining a special certification called the PCCN (more knowledge, pay, and marketability). She kept busy hanging out with friends, going on adventures, occasionally taking care of her dad, seeing a therapist (and getting on medication which has helped tremendously!) and trying to get our relationship back on track. The nail in the coffin for us was when I refused to go to Hawaii with her in mid-September (again, school and everything else posted up above). She told me that she didn’t think I wanted to be in a relationship with her anymore because I didn’t care about wanting to be with her.
6 weeks ago, I finished the long-term and short-term goals that I described above. I still have my other job, but now (finally), after coming from work, I have time for the relationship, to have fun, to go on trips, and love her liked I used to. No more studying, stress, or being overwhelmingly tired with life. And, I want you guys to know, that I have been routintely working out, seeing my friends, going to museums, cooking, etc. I’ve been doing great. My ex just finished school for a different career choice and finally got a job that she will be starting in mid-December! She is also doing great, and I’m extremely happy for her.
Problems that arose during the relationship from my point-of-view: she was too clingy, was going out too much without having a job, and not taking care of herself (I gave her the gigantic push to see her therapist). Problems from her point-of-view: Not enough time for her, not knowing when I’d ease up and enjoy life, and lack of communication. This is the general backstory of the culmination of problems that ended the relationship and why we’re in the position we’re in.
Now that the bad is out of the way, I do want to say that I love this woman a lot. Even though we had tough times that ended up in a break-up, I believe we are very compatible with one another. She makes me a stronger person, especially with her empathy. Her smile, charisma, and artsy background absolutely pull me in. We liked to cuddle together, and after talking with her recently, we got on the topic of sex where it was stated that we “did have really good sex.” All of this makes me yearn to try one more time because I have this intuition that if we get back together, the relationship will be twice as strong.
So, in a nutshell, I didn’t give her the time and love she needed, and I believe she couldn’t wait any longer (this makes sense–she didn’t know how much longer I’d be killing myself to get my career going). After seeing my ex-GF at a mutual friend’s party in October, we started to talk again. We communicate almost daily via text, occassionaly talk on the phone, and have gone out 4 times, all of which have been fun, stress-free, and filled with laughs (Our last date we got a facial, sushi, and ice cream!). During the last hangout 5 days ago, we talked a lot about our feelings. I told her that I wanted to try again (and that I still had feelings for her), and that if we were to get back together, that we would take it slowly. She told me she wanted “to see what else is out there first.” She hasn’t yet told me she is dating someone but a friend of mine has confirmed that she is non-seriously dating someone. Sometimes she posts stories of him on Instagram, and it hurts, though I’ve never told her this or have made myself look jealous/stupid.
Anyway, to sum things up, I’m going to New York this week and she wants me to bring her back a cookie! She’s also starting work the day after I come back, so I’ll see her right before she has her first day. Included with the cookie, I want to make her a care package with a white rose (her favorite), a framed photo of us, a jar of inspirational quotes that she can pick out of when she’s feeling down, and maybe an artsy knick-knack I find in NYC. Nothing in this care package will be materialistic—it will all be from the heart. I want to put all of my effort into getting her back before I lose her, because I don’t want to take the chance of her getting serious with this new guy. However, I understand that there’s a possibility of her rejecting me. I’ve thought about this, and I know that if she does, I will respect her opinion and go No-Contact for X amount of days to heal and move on. Do you guys think the care package will be a good idea? Knowing someone is with another is really anxiety-inducing and stressful.