Past, Present, and Future

A blog about life and everything else.

First Date — OKCupid Style!

by Baz

“Above photo: Downtown San Francisco. I took this with a Nikon D90 + Sigma 85mm f/1.4”

I signed up for an OKCupid account a few weeks ago and somehow garnered a first date from a woman who is absolutely gorgeous and strong-willed. I’m a little apprehensive, to be honest, mainly because I haven’t really dated since breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. Seriously, though, what am I supposed to talk about?! Commonalities? Life stories? Hmm, I really don’t want to bore her with my silly interrogatory questions. Would anyone, preferably experienced daters, be able to give me a few tips with this first date?

Anyway, she’s kind of the indie type like me, so I’ve decided to take her to a really cozy, wholesome, and vintage-like cafe. I’m hoping the setting of our date will ease the situation and lighten the mood. I’ve actually been hyping up this cafe through a lot of our texts, and she seems to be excited; I’ve also kept the element of surprise (I haven’t told her the name of the place, yet). So I hope I’m doing everything OK.

What I’m really strung up on is how to keep this beauty interested in me. Does the interest just magically happen? I feel as if first dates through online dating are “hit-and-miss.” You know, it’s not one of those dates that erupts from college or through work, where you each have a glimpse of who this person is. Dating via OKCupid is totally random. However, I don’t lie on my profile, and my pictures are current, so maybe I’m just over-thinking things here. Ugh, I definitely need to start dating more often. Haha.

Through all of this, and whether it goes extremely well or completely awful, the experience I gather is what’s most important. Don’t people usually say that life requires risks to obtain what you want? I think so. Which is why I’m going to date the shit out of this woman tomorrow. I’ll bring my A-game, buy her dinner, and be the best damn gentleman I can be. Wish me luck!

by Baz

Excellent article regarding change.

Deep Thinkings

I don’t know a single person that doesn’t want to change their life. At the very least, we all want to improve. Why not? I want to grow as a person as time goes on, and so does everyone.

The unfortunate truth is that a lot of the time, the changes we want to make on ourselves never become a reality. Changes always occur, whether we like them to or not, but those changes aren’t necessarily what we wish them to be. It’s not that it’s not possible for one to change their life, rather it’s usually because one hasn’t figured out how to. Or they aren’t driven enough…. I haven’t rid myself of my ego nearly as much as I would like to… yet. I haven’t made it happen, but I haven’t given up.

Changing your life doesn’t always entail changing yourself (although that is a big part). It…

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Madness by Muse

by Baz

This doesn’t necessarily relate to my life at the moment, but it did some time ago. I can relate to every single lyric. Hell yes, Muse.

Stick to Your Landing

by Baz

You’ve already jumped; there’s no denying it. There’s no pause, rewind, or fast forwarding, either. The plane that once harbored your safety has now become the size of your thumb, drifting further away without an ounce of remorse. “Have fun and be safe,” it yells. Surrounding you, the endless pallet of blue procures the image of a desolate wasteland, leaving a heavy message that there’s no escape. The wind, with its dominating presence, howls loudly at your uninvited presence as you dive towards the land of the living. What the hell have I gotten myself into, you wonder. But with each waking second, panic begins to overrun your consciousness. “Someone, anyone… Help me! I’m lost, and I need a way out.” These are the pleas you begin to yell at the nothingness that confines you. It’s as if you’ve finally come to terms with the end. “Do I keep going? Or should I end it right here?”

The answer is obvious. How could anyone give up on a life that hasn’t even started? To have an autopsy reveal the cause of death as nothing but regrets and remorse. You couldn’t possibly want that on your death certificate, could you? What about the many aspirations and goals that have yet to be reached? Or the countries that have yet to be explored? Or possibly, the love that has still yet to be found? There’s an infinite amount of wonders that exist in your world. And you crave them to the point of salivation. “I want it all,” you tell yourself. You scream this over and over, until finally you’re forced to give up due to the pleasant soreness in your throat.

Suddenly, the air surrounding you isn’t as cold. There’s a tinge of warmth, welcoming you with open arms. And the howling wind that once beckoned for your dismissal now seems like a peaceful melody to the canals of your ears. “You’re free,” it tells you. “Don’t be scared.” And like a youthful gymnast, you begin to tumble through the air with ease. You spread your arms and legs as wide as they can go, soaring through the endless field of blue without a care in the world. The muscles in your body have suddenly decided to take a break too, leaving you with the same rubbery consistency of an old Gumby doll. Positive thoughts begin to pour within your mind. This is the happiest you’ve been in a very long time. You’re sky high, baby. And you fucking love it.

As the ground nears, so does your realization that your journey is coming closer to an end. “Was this a dream,” you ask yourself. “That couldn’t have just happened to me!” Doubtful and worried, you look down at the ground, only to be mirrored by an unfamiliar shadow. It’s staring back, erect and full of confidence. Go out and live, it tells you. You’ve got so much more to offer.

by Baz

I’m seriously considering this. After this semester, I’ll be done with school until my nursing program begins in August.

Past, Present, and Future

by Baz

I recently ventured up north to visit an old best friend from high school. And man, oh man, she’s still as amazing as ever. On top of that, she’s become incredibly beautiful, too. Having not seen her in a number of years, it felt as if I skipped to the end of one of those jaw-dropping time-lapse videos on Youtube.

Have you guys ever felt such an air of nostalgia that it almost knocked you off your feet? I was blown away. We, as best friends, still seemingly remained the same with each other. It’s as if time halted for us. She still laughed at my stupid jokes; I still teased her the same way; and we still embraced each other as if we’ve never drifted apart. This was the girl who I once longed for, and to be honest, it was the woman I immediately began to long for again. My past has finally caught up to my present, and I was suddenly thinking about my future.

This friend of mine was very special to me. She’s the first person that I legitimately felt something for. The feelings, so they say, were real–hands down. They were pure, like a baby’s first taste of sugar. But I never once asked her out (not even to a dance!). I don’t know why, but I’m almost certain it was because of my shyness. I was afraid of rejection, and the crumbling friendship that would probably soon follow afterward.

Do I regret this part of my past? Hell fucking yes I do (to the millionth power!). I really, honestly wish I could have spent more time with this woman. But the fact of the matter is this: it’s hard to accept the past sometimes. Time never stops. It never stops for me, for her, or for anyone else. We just have to keep on moving, because it’s what we’re built to do.

Who knows, maybe I won’t ever see this old-timer of a friend again. That’s definitely a possibility. But if I do, I want her to see the best damn version of myself that I can offer (Which includes a six pack, by the way).